On more than one occasion I have found myself stating what it is that I do not want in a man. I have no qualms about voicing their ill ways and what I feel is not the right kind of behaviour. The other day someone asked me “In a relationship, what do you want?” I started answering and stopped. What the rass did I want? I mean I know all the topical stuff “Handsome, smart, ambitious, look like any one of my numerous crushes 😉 drove a convertible and said “Come on barbie let’s go party”. No but on the real, I know what I was supposed to want, the socially acceptable things. But if I looked deeper into it I hadn’t really ever sat down and said “Ok what’s my criteria”.
Not to say I did not have any standards. However, when it came to the things that were FUNDAMENTALLY important, the things that could make or break a relationship I hadn’t really drawn a line. Cheating? Fine If I was to be honest, I have been in relationships where cheating WAS a big deal and I’ve also forgiven and moved on. So what was my stance? I found myself going down a long ass list and realizing these poor men never had a chance figuring out what I wanted because all along I didn’t frigging know.
I find this is the situation with many of us looking for love. We see something in the movies, in a book and determine I want that. But do you? If you were Carrie in Sex and the City and Mr. Bigs had treated you the way he had treated her throughout the whole show would you have stuck around for the dream wedding everyone was cooing over? I sure as hell wouldn’t about two seasons in I would’ve told Mr. Bigs to take his town car and shove it up him modda watsitnot. See we all want a Mr. Bigs but we’re not willing to endure what it takes to find it. I’m fine with that I know my shortcomings and Carrie from STC has the patience of Job and luckily she KNEW what she WANTED.
Bringing me back to my point how many of us are like that? How many of you KNOW what and who you want? Some things that I was downright adamant about have changed as I have gotten older. So feel free to sit down evaluate and see where some of your needs have changed. I just recently decided I wanted kids. <- Listen this was a long process to reach this decision. I used to be adamant about dating guys with children I did not want it. Not that I don't like kids, I love them. I just know how it feels having someone else step in a role as your mother, I didn't want the responsibility and failing at that is scary. I have grown to respect and love my step mother and now I know it's a hard job but it's possible. Our life experiences and frame of reference determine the things we hold important. These are always subject to change. So, let me share with you what I do know I want. I want a friend. Someone I can sit and talk with or just sit with. Who can understand I'm beyond miserable but worth it because I care deeply and it takes a lot for that to change. I want someone who wont just meet me half way but will go the distance. Understands I'm a lush and safety and sanity will be maintained once a bottle is near. Reads. Shares the same beliefs that I do. Similar background (pickney ass fi get buss when them misbehave no "in the corner shit"). Respects Family. Bathes/ Proper Hygiene(so necessary).Has a plan. Loves Me. <- Whole lot more my list is long. But it's 11:31 p.m. and I'm tired Next time you decide to date ask yourself this question, " Have you ever walked into Target/Megamart/ Walmart with no idea what you want? How did that work out for you?" Can't find it if you don't know what you are looking for. Faith & Love, Mamachel Follow me on twitter: @Mamachell
Like me on Facebook: Adventures of Mamachel
Watch these videos and more: Mamachel Youtube