Wanted: Romance (Dead or Alive)

“It is a stroke of good fortune to find one who is worth seducing…most people rush ahead, become engaged or do other stupid things, & in a turn of the hand everything is over, and they know neither what they have won nor what they have lost” | soren kierkegaard

So…. Most of my twitter followers probably knew this one was coming…

Today just out of the blue I was feeling a tad bit “emo” and tweeted “I haven’t received flowers in the longest time, I miss those little things”. In a matter of minutes my mentions were in shambles, I had stirred up a hornets nest. Woman after woman retweeted my statement in agreement. And then one of my male friends asked me ” Oh you women still like those gestures?” < Cue radio silence> What the hell you mean, If I still like these things?!
He went on to ask his male followers when was the last time they bought a lady flowers then retweeted the answers each showed that months had passed by and most of them was for a family member. It was at this very moment I remembered Terrence J from 106 & Park asking if social media had killed romance. I sat back and thought, “Is romance really dead?” Rhatid.
Before I go into my dissection of sorts let’s try and determine what is romance? This is a hard thing to explain and although some men/women aren’t born with a romantic bone in their body I do believe they can learn. I had touched on the point that Chivalry might be dead in this post and also spoke on this new means of “dating” through the Blackberry in this post. But I have never really touched on is romance dead. Ok, so as we were, What is romance? I sit here stumped… I asked my sistren “what is romance?” She doesn’t know. I say “How can you want something if you don’t know what it is?” she replies, “I know it when I see it” . So I decided to think harder. The people want a definition! Here is my attempt: Romance is showing appreciation for a particular person that you may be involved or seek to be involved with. It cannot be measured and can be shown in grand or tiny gestures. In short romance is usually a spontaneous display of appreciation that will make your partner smile and get you some nookie.” Capiche?

Let’s get this straight, Men love romance as much as women believe me ladies. Have you ever ran a bath for your man when he got home from work? Do it, the result will be *cough* inspiring. But these days no one shows appreciation in relationships or when dating and so all fingers point to “Yes, romance is dead”. What people consider romance is if he comes to pick you up from your house instead of you meeting him at an event. Romance is seen as someone forking out copious amounts of cash to show “appreciation” . This is where we have fallen short. This focus on material goods is not showing appreciation nor is it romance. DO NOT get me wrong, I like pretty things as much as the next person BUT I’d prefer a man try and cook me a meal of all my favourite dishes than take me to an expensive restaurant where we can’t hear what he is saying or be truly intimate with him. In cooking that meal he’ll show two major things 1. He listens and knows what I like and 2. He’s TRYING (nothing beats a failure than a try)
Women in their strong roles today have started to view romance in disdain. They see it as being weak. Ask anyone of my friends I am a VERY strong woman but there is a time and place for everything. Hate to break it to you younger generation but romance is NOT a threesome. (sorry men I had to let that one go) It might be nice and adventurous but I dare you to show me a romantic threesome.
The long and short of it is, Romance is hard work, it means you have to get to know the person and their likes and dislikes and make and EXTRA EFFORT <- That is really what romance is. Yes it's nice if he meets you after work and go to the movies and pays for it all but one day surprise him and pay for everything and have all his fave snacks ready. Gentlemen you picking her up from work, bring her a single rose, that single rose could add extra minutes to that head time (I'm just saying). It's that extra effort that makes romance. This gives your partner bragging rights something that is very important in all relationships, no matter how cool a man plays it he is bragging to his homeboys and vice versa with women. If you are going to be in a relationship where you are constantly counting what you do for another person without reciprocation then something is wrong. In the times I have been romantic it was to see that person smile. I find that a lot of men use the excuse that "Girls don't like that" to get out of being romantic. I have YET to meet a girl that does not like romance. She might not like flowers, candy, or something else specific, but you CAN'T tell me she doesn't like romance. So I say to both sexes get up off your lazy asses and try something romantic and if you're in a romance lacking relationship shame on you. I want that Gone with the Wind/ Casablanca romance . You betta sex me on a staircase Clark !!!! <-- Joking Faith & Love , Mamachel P.S. I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. There is NOTHING romantic about someone else telling my man to show me love. But that's just me 🙂 P.P.S. Shout out to @Mzarebel Facebook status for the stolen quote 🙂 Follow me on Twitter: @mamachell
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Author: Mamachel

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  1. I once went to open the car door for my date to enter my vehicle. She looked confused when she saw us both going to the left-hand side of the car…

    Perplexed, she asked if it was a left-hand drive! LOL

    Romance has been dead so long, some women wouldn’t know if it hit them in the face.


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  2. You got to be specific, there are 2 kinds of romance, there is the romance BEFORE the relationship and the DURING relationship romance. A guy has to be really on his last leg to go the romance root because seriously romance has become a nice guy tool. Women nowadays are so secretive, you never know who they dating on the side while your are trying to romance them into your camp.

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  3. I totally agree! Laziness is one aspect of it. But complacency is another. This generation of women have become so accepting of he bare minimum. We need to challenge men to be willing to do more. Especially for women they deem deserving. I don’t even think they know which women do/don’t deserve it anymore. It’s sad. And women downplay these things b/c they aren’t used to them. Its a sad cycle.

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  4. Romance isn’t dead. Emotions are. For genuine romance, emotion is necessary. Unfortunately bad relationships and experiences have made everyone numb to emotions in a relationship, leaving romantic gestures as a line not to cross, because then you are putting in too much effort. When couples trust each other, and truly appreciate one another they will be romantic.

    The question is will you take the plunge from the get go? or put up that iron shield?

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  5. Funny enough a girlfriend of mine and I were discussing this just the other day. What we called it is “everyday romance”. As you said, we all appreciate the grand gesture, but it’s the little things. I have preached this to my brother over and over again, the same kind of gushing you will hear from a girl who got two dozen roses is the same level of gushing you will hear from a girl who got one “just cause”.

    Men, learn to listen. All the clues are there for the things that you can do. My brother got his girl a bbq grill for her birthday this year, not romantic you say? NOT. It’s what she had taken about for months and what she really wanted, she thought it was the most romantic thing EVER.

    My all time favorite gift I have ever received from a boyfriend is a leather bound copy of my favorite book, with my name engraved on the front. Not by any means the most expensive gift I have ever gotten, but I will always remember bursting into tears and how very special I felt that he had taken the time out to “listen”, and give me something he knew would be special to me.

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  6. *sigh* I love romance… though I disagree with the aforementioned definition. Romance is not in opening doors or even showing appreciation… it’s the little (or big) things that one does, just ‘because’…
    I feel a guest post on this topic coming up soon!!!!


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  7. Romance is not dead I think we spend so much time protecting our hearts and not wanting to look stupid that we don’t know how to express our feelings anymore. I have been lucky in that department and I enjoy being romantic as well. That card to show appreciation, that chocolate bar they like, or something as simple as topping up their drink without them asking.

    I am ready to settle down myself and I think i am ready to.

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  8. This is so interesting on so many levels, you don’t even begin to imagine. There is so much wrong with men and women, dating and romance I would have to write a ten page doc to cover the points. In short though, people have lost touch and are just plain and simply selfish. Men dodge their ladies to go hang with their boys, women doing the same and even lie about being ill just avoid him, yet if the rent or car money short every body suddenly get sweet. How do one show the other affection and appreciation when, if we go out to a party we dance back to front all night long and drink to a stupor? How do you have a stimulating conversation over dinner or lunch without the intrusion of the smartphone or the friend who is too good to ask to wait because you are in the middle of something that is most important to you?

    I opened my car door for a lady recently and the she said to me, I can open my own door you know…. I laughed and shook my head but more importantly I felt like a dinosaur, but you know what I am cool with that .

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