I’ve talked about dating in Jamaica many times. I know there might be some similarities with other Caribbean islands but I can only speak from where the majority of my experience comes from and that is Jamaica. So today, as I listen to some Fela Kuti and sip on my Kombucha I write to tell you that dating in Jamaica is … Experiential.

What is dating, let’s start there. According to Wikipedia Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a prospective partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It is a form of courtship, consisting of social activities done by the couple, either alone or with others.

Sounds nice, I’m not familiar with this set up so I asked twitter what they thought about dating in Jamaica and the answers were quite… colourful.

Non existent

– tifa (@itsthetifa) June 26, 2019

People don’t date in jamaica! Lol! We make a one par then all of a sudden we talking lol

– tifa (@itsthetifa) June 26, 2019

The Hunger Games pic.twitter.com/1cgQwGmjdt

– Juan William Jackson (@JuanWJackson) June 26, 2019

Small and shallow nuh bitch https://t.co/HVqSe1OMpl

– Home Malone (@Ovaryactin_) June 26, 2019

As a small jacuzzi not to be confused with a large pool ( which it is not ) https://t.co/EYtKv5RKhR

– less is mo … (@_lessismaur) June 26, 2019

Wah dat https://t.co/s5TX9gvNjD

– Mario Don (@iNino_) June 26, 2019

Non-existent tbh

– ?Jah Moosie? (@JahMoosie) June 26, 2019

I’m talking to two other people but you’re definitely the one https://t.co/spegWweOmk

– Black Forestyyy ? (@Fiiineapple__) June 26, 2019

The thing is both male and female are saying that dating is dismal on our little island. I’ve seen this debate gone over time and time again. Women say men aren’t making an effort and the men in turn say that women do not appreciate extra effort so what’s the point. In the end I think that culturally we are not encouraged to date, we are told to finish our studies and focus on our books! I know so many people who are trying every way they know to try and bag a date. One method I’ve heard is to use pheromones for women for that little extra kick. If you weren’t getting any dates before, a little spritz of pheromone perfume might be the thing that you need!

This is why I say dating in Jamaica is experiential. Persons find out about each other WHILE they are in the relationship. Obviously there are some things that you will only find out about each other after being in a relationship for a while. It takes people a while to trust others, so some things may not come out for a while. As people, we usually take a while to come out of our shells. This is the same in the bedroom, for example. Prior to being in a relationship, you may find out a little about what this person likes under the covers, but again that will be limited until they become more confident with you. Only then will you learn whether they like very tame or very kinky sex toys and what their fetishes are. But generally, people are finding out the more basic things about each other when they are already in a relationship.

As a matter of fact we aren’t encouraged to date more than one person at a time. This could be because we are fishing in an already tiny pond. However, such a practice creates somewhat of a false intimacy that can convince either party that they are madly in love. This love then disappears when the real challenges begin and let’s look at the “real challenges”. Common complaints are calling too much, wanting or spending money, the need for affection or lack of it overall and infidelity to name a few. I mean shouldn’t you know if your man likes to cuddle before you sleep with him much less enter a relationship? It’s not that hard, shouldn’t you know if she chews with her mouth open, if that’s your pet peeve? These are all things you should know once you’ve successfully and properly dated an individual. Alas, such is not the case in our sweet island Jamaica.

I end by saying that the problem isn’t necessarily dating it’s that we might not know HOW to date. So until we change how we do it then the results are going to constantly be sad . I guess the next post will be cool dating ideas.

Check Out this Podcast if You wanna know about Dating In The 21st Century <-- Click There :)

Please note that I am aware there are exceptions to this rule (there are exceptions to every rule) but long and short, dating as was previously defined is rare in Jamaica.