Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner: The Hoe Truth

This is an anonymous (shhh) “He Said” guest post in response to the previous “She Said” guest post. Therefore, this is from a man’s perspective. I wouldn’t dare say ‘typical’ man, because I don’t often see myself or my views as typical. However, I’m sure a lot of fellas will agree and perhaps even the odd female here and there. I’m going to use the word “hoe” quite often because, well, that is the topic of discussion. Should anyone be offended by the word, I should tell you that having read that preceding sentence and by continuing to read this, you have accepted the “hoe this, hoe that” terms and conditions.
As you might imagine, I can’t accurately comment on the different goings on in the Basketball Wives show. I don’t watch it, and I won’t. However, the characters referenced by the “She Said” guest blogger seem, from her description, to be women who sleep with men for personal gain. If I am wrong then let me know. That guest blogger seems confused about how these women on the show and other women like them are labeled ‘hoes.’ Well I’m here to help with that.
She says hoes make men mad and that it is misogynist that Cipher Sounds and Charlemagne call women hoes. (Her exact words are: Specifically what makes a chick a hoe & what it is about hoes that make men so mad.) I don’t know where she got the information that hoes make men mad. I can’t imagine men having issues and problems with a woman being promiscuous. As a matter of fact I guarantee you that a lot of men are out right now looking specifically for a hoe…for…you know…fun. Yes, men find hoes to be wonderful, joyous fun. How can we hate them? I always think it’s important when you go off on rants like those to not get it twisted and to get things straight before blast off. Understand that misogyny does of course exist, but a man calling a woman a hoe for what he sees as hoe-like behavior is not misogynist. So let’s define this hoe-like behavior.
Let’s start with the definition of the word ‘hoe’ as I understand it. It is derived from the word ‘whore’ which means prostitute, someone who is considered to have compromised principles or engaged in sexual activities for personal gain, or a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual activity. The key word is promiscuous, which means having frequent and casual sexual relations with different partners. So there is a pretty clear and straight forward definition to work with. Let’s also be clear that this definition does not only apply to women. So those of you reading this right now, both men and women, know immediately where you fall. I’ll come back to ya’ll in a few.
So men don’t hate hoes, in fact it’s more likely that women would hate them than men. Men know that if it’s two things that are constant in this world, it’s change, and hoes will be hoes. What a man will likely tell you though, is that they hate the element of deception caused by a woman who is a hoe, but pretends to be otherwise. Most men don’t respect hoes, and here’s why. Nobody knows the power a woman holds more than a man. It is said that the two main primal urges of any man is to eat and to have sex. Much of what a man does in this world, boils down to his need to satisfy those two main desires. Dem two tings we nuh play round wid…a normal healthy male loves his belly and no one understands the value of the vagina quite like a man does. It also follows that men know the standard for that which is considered precious and valuable, and it is that which is rarely acquired and often unattainable.
It’s a bit ironic that a woman would echo the sentiments of a dancehall artist and refer to her lady parts as similar to a high end automobile (something of high value), yet allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to drive it. Diamonds wouldn’t be a big deal if you could just pick them up off the sidewalk. So then, if you are a woman, and you have no reservations about sleeping with many, many men…if you can go to a party and half a dozen dudes can high 5 each other and say “Yea I hit that”…If that Evelyn and Royce you mention, are your role models….well you know what to expect now don’t you. It doesn’t matter if you’re a “grown ass woman” and can do whatever you feel like. Your use of that freedom is what will land you in the hoe category.
I honestly don’t see the point of complaining about double standards. You’re a woman for a reason. There are certain things that apply to you and do not apply to men by virtue of the fact that, well, you are a female and a man is male. The conventions exist for reasons that none of us know, and it’s pointless to blame men for them when we born come see it just like unuh. The same way a man is expected to hold the door open, is the same way a woman is expected to keep her legs closed. The difference lies in the fact that women have throughout history been regarded as the standard bearers in most societies. Therefore, it’s easy for me to understand that should a woman fall short of certain expectations, it is frowned upon. Men are not viewed in the same light and will likely never be. Women have found many ways to get under a man’s skin over the years, but calling us hoes won’t likely do the trick.
I was reading someone’s blog recently and she wrote about the fact that the term ‘Vixen’ was once one of the worst things you could call a woman. However, as times have changed so too has the stigma attached to the word changed. Now women want to be vixens because its ‘empowering.’ So look, like I mentioned before, you know where you fall and what you are. If you are indeed a hoe, then be a hoe. Embrace it, own it up and ‘do you’ because by going against what is expected of you, you have already taken a stand. Don’t continue to pretend when you already know what you will continue to do whether it’s to acquire something or just for your own pleasure. Don’t blame men either ‘cuz guys are all for the fun. *wink*. Besides, I’ve found that it is women who are most judgmental of other women in whatever they choose to do anyway. The same women who will say “Damn those double standards! You’re grown, do what you want!” are likely the same women who will be saying “Ugh, she’s such a hoe”.
I’d like to end with this song that’s been stuck in my head all day. R.I.P. Nate Dogg — > Click Here

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Author: Mamachel

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  1. I concur! There aint nothing wrong with o’s, I like o’s. O’s are better than x’s. Unless you ex turns out to be a hoe, then that’s just sad. But seriously speaking, I don’t see what the fuss is about. If a female is into promiscuity then that’s her thing, the only way a problem would arise there is if she is a hoe and acts like she is not. Many female nowadays practise hoe behaviour and act like dem innocent.
    Good post! You shed light on the hoes, cuz hoes need loving too. Not that they are short of loving 😉

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  2. Great points Mr. Anonymous!

    The “hoes make men mad” comment did confuse me as well, I just assumed she meant men go crazy over hoes to have sex with them — but that still didn’t fit the tone of the rest of the post.

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  3. agreed….but as much as men LOVE hoes..r they willing to turn one into a housewife?

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    • I’m sure many are willing to do that, but at the same time, its thought of as impossible.

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  4. The same way a man is expected to hold the door open, is the same way a woman is expected to keep her legs closed #thatisall

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  5. jezass!

    i jus wah go thru it AGAIN with a BRIGHT pink highlighter….

    “The same way a man is expected to hold the door open, is the same way a woman is expected to keep her legs closed”

    “It’s a bit ironic that a woman would echo the sentiments of a dancehall artist and refer to her lady parts as similar to a high end automobile (something of high value), yet allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to drive it. ”


    well said…. well said.

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  6. i agree with ur post far more than the other. it just makes more sense.

    if you like having sex and u like the variety of multiple partners then thats good for you. it may not be the best route to take but as long as you are happy then thats fine! just dont behave as if you are above and beyond the lifestyle. and dont be ashamed either. if you have to be ashamed of your actions then you probably shouldnt be doing it.

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  7. So there are points of this post that I agree with (e.g. the definition of hoe, and the suggestion that one simple be honest about the choices one has made, that the label applies to men & women) but a few points bother me. Let me see if I can express what’s bothering me:

    Why bother to lay down with a woman you can’t respect? Like, how much “fun” do you need to have to pick a woman who by your definition places little value on herself? I’ve often wondered about men who take what a freely & often giving woman offers…makes me wonder about YOUR character and values. If you as men have an inherent understanding of the “value” of vagina, then why “have fun” with a woman who’s shown (I think) that she doesn’t know the “value” of her goodies. Or maybe it is that she does and y’all are being hoodwinked. Y’all love unnuh belly as much but do you go around eating from every corner cook shop or trolling for snacks in the gutter?

    I do not like the double standards at all despite my personal view on men & women who engage in promiscuous behaviour (see comment on “She Said” post)…so it’s a little troubling that there is this apparent willingness by most men to take advantage of the stereotype, shrug it off as something that simply is (you’re getting your way after all, eh), but still castigate the hoe-ish woman…? Really?! Listen, if men & women choose to be hoe-ish then let’s (i.e. society) treat them equally (i.e. either shun both groups or let ’em live freely without the collective judgment). So yeah it’s not behaviour I have or will choose for myself but if men AND women choose to & aren’t gonna hide then let them do so.

    Finally as for the women who cuss the hoe-like women more than men do. Sometimes I’m one of them. But not because of their choice…it is theirs to make & live with the consequences that result under current societal conditions. Many times I’m IRKED because of the effect their choice has on YOU MALE’S perception of the majority of OTHER women who have likkle discretion & discerning taste about our sexual partners. That plus I think it’s just irresponsible for men or women to cock it up on any smaddy just suh *shrug*

    My two cents 🙂

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    • Why would a man bother to lay down with a woman he cant respect?…because for a lot of men, respect has nothing at all to do with sex. Sex for a man can be an independent act exclusive of any of the trappings you’re suggesting would play a part. In many cases its fine if you wonder about a man’s character because of the woman he beds. However I think by now, many women have picked up that a man doesn’t even need to know a womans name to have sex with her. I’m not sure what you’re asking when you say “If you as men have an inherent understanding of the “value” of vagina, then why “have fun” with a woman who’s shown (I think) that she doesn’t know the “value” of her goodies”. One has nothing to do with the other. Its very basic and crude in the way it manifests itself but a man who really wants ‘fun” simply doesn’t care about all those things your talking about. Hoes provide that, and for the man who enjoys it, its def a convenience.

      I can definitely understand when you say you have at times been the woman who would cuss the hoes. Since it does tend to affect the overall perception of other women as well. However, I’ve found that this is just a part of life. Its like when a woman sees a dead beat dad and makes a blanket statement like “Black men need to do better”…puts everybody under the same umbrella, unfairly.

      Thanks for your comment….appreciate the two cents 🙂

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  8. Good post Mr. Anonymous – honesty is the best policy. I repect personal choice, but not because you have the right to do something or it is en vogue at the moment means it is a respectable decision. You get to control your decision but not people’s reaction…

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  9. Well said writer!!! Deception is what i hate most,dont try pretend like ur a virgin and good two shoe if ur a hoe or far from innocent!

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