Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner: She’s A hoe?
So this is another guest blog post. However my guest has requested that they remain anonymous. Looking forward to the comments…
Hip Hop has me thinking ‘bout hoes…
I recently switched my morning routine from power 105.1 to Hot 97 because I couldn’t take the constant stream of misogyny from Charlemagne the God. But after a few days I realized Cipher Sounds & Rosenberg are just as ignorant. My need to hear hip hop in the morning has me thinking about the state of women… specifically what makes a chick a hoe & what it is about hoes that makes men so mad.
(Examples are too numerous to list… just go online & listen to either station… promise you’ll understand.)
A “Hoe” is a female who has sex outside of a committed relationship to “get something” from a man. A female in a committed relationship who uses sex to get something from a man e.g. wash my car = get cootchie, is simply “wifey”, and being wifey is supposedly a good thing.
Want to piss a man off … say you like the chicks on Basketball wives. Evelyn on Basketball Wives is a hoe. We really don’t know who she’s been with, but when Royce told her to “close her legs” on the VH1 Reunion Special, everybody clapped.
Why? She’s a grown ass woman who seemed to keep it pretty tame by reality TV standards. But she slept with a man on the first date – a rich baller man, and that earned her the label “Hoe” and all the disrespect that comes with it.
We know Royce slept with a dude on the show. But since it was a dude she waited months to let “hit it” – a dude who was her man, no shade there.
In the end Royce sleeps with one guy and ends up in a short-term relationship. Evelyn sleeps with one guy, gets a ring and ends up in what for all intents and purposes should be a long-term relationship, and she’s da hoe. Why?
I wonder if we knew when she went in that it would end up being real [or at least engagement real]if we still would have given her shit. You don’t see people calling all dem girls on The Bachelor “Hoes”… and those tricks lining-up to swap spit with a dude who just literally just left a date with a next chick (a next chick who shares the same kitchen!).
Is it because we think Evelyn only did it for money? What if Evelyn didn’t get the ring and did it for the reason she said – to have some fun cuz she saw Ocho’s fine ass and just wanted to f*ck. How would we have felt about dat?
Are chicks who simply get down for pleasure… are they respected? Not really. Trust me I know.
To be all the way honest with y’all – In the right light, and if we’re going strictly by the numbers, I’m a hoe. I’ve had sex with a large number of men. Hell, I’m not religious, I travel and I drink… sex happens, often. Rum + idle = good times.
Now, very few folks think of me as whoring… I stay out of any kind of “shine” and keep my actions to myself. But, if I had to wear my number on my sleeve, I know there would be shade.
Because there are very strict unwritten rules about the ways in which “good” women should have sex. And if you’re not a good woman, you’re a hoe.
And I’d love to say that the shade hasn’t bothered me… but it’s affected me in ways you wouldn’t always suspect. There are relationships I have walked away from because of personal guilt caused by sleeping with a dude “too soon”. And let’s be clear, it’s not the dude who wasn’t interested in making it meaningful, it was me assuming his intentions couldn’t be right because I had in some way sullied myself by getting some early out.
I’ve also felt guilt for “giving it away”. I never use sex as leverage – I’m not sleeping with you so you’ll buy me a car, or take me to dinner, or make me your wife – I’m sleeping with you because you’re cute and funny and sexy and I kinda just want to see what it would be like. And some days I feel awful about that… cuz I know, that’s not how I’m “supposed” to act…
If I had a penny for the guilt I feel for not needing to be in love before I lay it down… I would be a wealthy chick.
So I ask you… how are women supposed to have sex? And why doesn’t having sex for pleasure affect our views of a man?