Category Archives: Ranting
People I have soo much to say but I can’t let it out all at once. Let me jump right in. My last post was about “Why men love crazy women”. In all honesty I wrote that blog thinking it would be a one time blog. Man was I wrong! After some recent events it’s become very clear to me that there will always be that one crazy ‘ish that will make it bad for every calm, collected and composed female out there.
Have you ever seen some shit that has left you aghast? I’m not talking like a “wow” here people, I’m talking like a “Boooommmbboocllaattt!!!”. Well I did. I saw some shit that made everything that I have ever posted about “crazy women” doing seem like they just threw a tantrum. So now I want some of these very “expressive” young ladies to talk to me and answer the following questions:
1] A wah cause dat?! – Like Tina Turner said “what’s love got to do with it?!”. You are telling me that you’re on the floor in the club crying holding on to homeboy’s pants because he said he doesn’t love you?! Please please somebody pass me a belt ’cause this young lady need some discipline in her life.
2] Inna Real Life ?! – I have to ask like are you aware that this is real life and NOT Fatal Attraction? Do youknow that by doing certain things that there are consequences.?You can’t break into his house or car and not get charged if he wants to. And please don’t let me start talking about the stalking… Short of a nigga giving me something venereal I CANNOT think of what he could do to make me act this way.
3] You rolling Inna mad gyal posse?! – I am a true believer in the power of friendship. Friends save you from buying that bright green sequin dress wid the tie and dye lace around the edges (don’t ask) and friends can talk you into and out of things. Do Not get me wrong, if my sistren thinks her man of four (4) years cheating on her I’ll do a little drive by for her to check. But if she plan to go to suspected jump offs workplace and play the fool???? smaddy pass di belt cause mi haffi discipline har!!
Friends don’t let friends do stupid shit. full stop comma, dash dash., –
4] Where is your self respect?! – Now I know alot of females are going to say this is unfair and I’m a bitch. But in the end unless you’ve been glamorized (sp) by some True Blood vampire then you ultimately have control over yourself. NUH MAN!! can mek me act like a ediat outta road! translation = Naan nigga can get me to act a fool in dah street! Are you maaaad? You mean to tell me that in big big 2009 I must create scene over someting as common as penis AND it nuh patent?! I would crazy glue myself to my bed before i go outta road and quarrel or beg a man back. He cannot make you crazy. You make yourself crazy and trust me I am that bitch in the corner sipping my henney taking in the scene and saying “WTH?!!”
Don’t get me wrong people. I’m not made of stone, I’ve shed my fair share of tears over a broken heart but almost always in private or to close friends. And yes, oh yes there have been those brave ones who have tried me… But I’ve always been able to discipline them before things got out of hand. Ladies a man once told me that he couldn’t do to me anything that I didn‘t allow and that has stuck with me all these years. You need to know YOU HAVE DI PUM PUM POWAH!! Use it! Don’t have no man feeling extra special or all big headed because you killing up yourself over him.
Take mamachel’s foolish advice: If you want to get a man’s attention just play cool act like, his not calling or seeing you has been no big deal. Don’t call him back and when you see him out smile and be ever so polite. It will make him pause trust me…
Love and Faith,
Public arguments, collection of evidence, police sirens, carefully co ordinated tails. No people this is not an episode of Law & Order. It is the recollections of some of my male friends of some “crazy” females they’ve been involved with. I cannot tell you how many times I have bared witness (open mouthed of course) to some female getting out and bad on another guy. And almost always I have thought to myself “wow that relationship is over”. Well, silly me. I just recently found out that a large percentage of men loves a crazy woman.
I have had bredrens bring a change of clothes when we are going out because the girl they’re seeing is following them. Oh Ive received many a emails warning me to stay away from more than one childhood friend. And yes people, I have been physically accosted due to some misunderstanding. Oh trust me there was a misunderstanding. But when I ask my friends “Why don’t you leave her?”. Some look scared others reply, “Jah know, she though!”. As a result I have come to the conclusion that as long as you’re hot most men will put up with anything.
As usual in my efforts to remain objective I asked around five of my sane male friends the following: 1] Why Do you love crazy women? 2] Is it a Ego thing? and 3] Is the sex really that much better?. Most of them didn’t really have a reason as to why they loved the crazy ones but they all agreed that it did get old after awhile. One making the analogy of the crazy girl being a speeding bike going downhill after awhile you’re going to get tired and you will eventually get hurt. But almost all unanimously agreed that yes the sex is actually better as the “crazy” ones are actually less inhibited and keeping them around is indeed a ego thing. As one bredren so eloquently put it, “Yuh just waan feel seh is your cocky mek she gwaan suh mad. She doa waan share it, she want i all fi harself because it dat good”. Jesus take the wheel.
On that note. I’m glad I know all this now. No longer will I waste my efforts by making roast fish for my man, giving him kisses,or doing something as silly as being kind nor compassionate. Instead, the next man I speak to can expect some shit that will make Jazmine Sullivan and Carrie Underwood look like my little ponies. Yep, brace yourself! I’m coming with the good stuff my next boyfriend can expect public arguments, broken windshields, incessant texting, whippings, broken plates, impromptu crying and to top it off I’m going to memorize the serial numbers on your condoms.
Cause clearly the maddah di sweetah.
Faith and Craziness (Love)
I’m probably going to lose some readers over this one. Well I might but today we are going to go over seven instances in life where you should follow that little voice in the back of your head. Decent folks would say “follow your intuition” but today I say “Follow yuh bloodclaat mind”. Let’s go, feel free to join in and leave your comments.
1] If you’re walking down a road and a dark tinted car pulls alongside you.
Follow yuh bloodclaat mind and run.
2] If you suspect that your friend is sleeping with your man.
Follow yuh bloodclaat mind and investigate.
3] If you suspect that your credit card might be maxed out.
Follow yuh bloodclaat mind and check first OR just don’t go to the cashier *avoid embarrassment*
4] If you suspect that your dunce ass does not know how to use an atm machine.
Follow yuh bloodclaat mind and ask someone outside for help but DON’T have a soup line of people waiting on you to do a balance inquiry.
5] If you suspect that even though your friends tell you the dress looks good it doesn’t quite fit.
Follow yuh bloodclaat mind and don’t wear it. Better to repeat a outfit than to look like two pigs fighting under your dress. (got that from steel magnolias)
6] If you think your breath stink
Follow yuh bloodclaat mind and grab a mint, brush a tooth. DO something
Last but by no means least…
7] If you suspect he/she doesn’t love you
Follow yuh bloodclaat mind and deal wid it. Sooner rather than later
Over and Out,
As my readers might know I love movies and I’ve been having a good time so far with all these spectacular blockbusters that have been good so far. But sure enough there comes along a tack in my shoe. I am in no way pleased with what has happened to Terminator Salvation, Arnold must be turning over in his jacuzzi or whatever… See my review below in two parts.. yes I was that pissed…
It surprises me the things that can leave me stumped. But today I came to serious realization, “I’m not so young anymore”. Now don’t get it twisted in my eyes Im young fresh and green. If I must say so myself I’m still a hot tamale. However, sadly enough my male friends no longer want to hang out with me. What happened to let me realize this you may ask? Well today I was browsing through facebook and I saw that one of my friends had posted pictures of his Sunday Lyme on the boat. As I perused these photos of skimpy bikinis and jet skis it dawned on me that apart from the “men” I didn’t recognize the females in the pictures. They were too young!!! I had to investigate.
I asked him how is it that the older you get the younger the girls you spar with? People, I get a answer so honest I could do nothing but appreciate it. He said “Mama the age group 24-29 looking for something serious.” “Unnu want to get married and have meaningful relationships while at that age we just want the punany.” “Unfortunately, its the 18-21 yr olds that will put out, and that leaves no space for you on the boat, when we have a friendship day I will invite you.” Okay readers, close your mouth..
As harsh as It sounds I now understand. No matter how hot or how much of a MILF you are the younger women just have a ting that the men love. One friend tried to tell me that women aged faster than men and so there are less attractive older females in comparison to attractive older men. I beg to differ, a beer belly on a man isnt half as unattractive as a beer belly on woman. The standards for attractive men is much lower than the standards for their counterparts. A man starts to grey he’s described as looking distunguished, women, fagetaboutit!! I’m just saying in all aspects of life there are double standards and all you are left with in the end is your own valued opinion of yourself. Love yuhself yaah ’cause there’s no guarantee that someone else will.
I close with saying “Let them galavant on that boat with them young girls I know what Mamachel has, i know my flavour, I know my stlye and because of that I walk around with a Mona Lisa Smile”
Sexy Jamaican Bitch,