Category Archives: Ranting

Sex Me Baby Baby

Longest Journey Home Part 1

Today I sit down and try to write the hardest blog I’ve ever had to write to date. This one was not about some asshole ex-boyfriend nor was it giving advice to some misguided male or female on the affairs of the heart. It was about Jamaica. My beloved country and all its happenings and how my heart is broken. It is safe to say that no truly aware Jamaican is surprised by what has taken place over the past couple of days, it’s been a long time coming. Nevertheless, the manner in which it has been executed leaves many mouths agape.

Yesterday, I sat on the plane at Norman Manley Airport filled with trepidation as to what I would be faced with when I left the airport. My blackberry was filled with messages to stay in New York. The trip home was definitely filled with trials and errors, we’d turn down one road and heard gunshots and turn on another. As I drove home I couldn’t help but reflect on how different this ride home was compared to the ones in the past. Apart from the obvious warfare that had broken out,there was a distinct change of the soundtrack in my head. Where there was once Protoje’s “JA” now lived the Zurna for no other reason than that this place, my country now felt like Iraq.
As I sit here in my house safely atop the city in my very Uptown neighborhood and watch the news and listen to mutty perkins I cry off and on as I hear of soldiers burning bodies, babies being shot this morning and continuous gunfire. I want them to weed out the gunmen but NOT LIKE THIS!  I can only pray for my friends who I cannot reach and hope that like me who had a long journey home with many twists, turns, danger and heartache Jamaica will find it’s way back home.

P.S. In light of the underground reports of the conduct of the security personnel both Soldiers and Police I felt Buju’s song was appropriate. “I could go on and on the full has NEVER been told”.

P.P.S. Dear BBC surely you cannot believe that ONLY 12 people alone have been killed. I’d prefer you say “body count unknown” not because Minister of Security say it means its true.

Faith and Love,

Mamachel
follow me  on twitter : @mamachell

Mirror Mirror On the Wall ; View from Venus

Salutations!!,

I’ve read Mars’ post and while I agree with what he is essentially saying I do have a few things that I need to clarify. Yes whether the person is prettier or uglier it will hurt  however, there is such a thing as twisting the knife. Regardless of what most men would like you to believe they are very cognisant of whether a man is more attractive or not. How else could you explain jealousy? You’re trying to tell me that men aren’t aware that Common is hot? I don’t believe you.
 When I threw the question out there alot of men said that they’d prefer if he was uglier but more succesful that way he could justify that it was financial reasons why she left. To date ONLY  two men have said “Chels, I just dont want to know if he’s ugly or not”. And so from the male point of view I must agree with Mars men tend to be more concerned if his penis is bigger or if he’s better in bed but try as you might to pretend I know it still hurts. Now on the female psyche…

Im not going to front… If a man leaves me for a uglier girl thats gonna mess me u p ALL sorts a ways. Remember Im not the only one seeing her, EVERYBODY is going to see her. Everyone is going to see you (my ex) with and “Ugly Girl” not that’s a kick in the stomach. Tell me how do you explain that?! 0_o If she’s rich you get a lucky break just label his ass as a gigalo and move on people will believe that before they believe he left your fine ass for a simple jane. Leave you for someone prettier then he’s just shallow. It’s really a lose lose situation cause at the end of the day she has him or he has her and your ass is left alone, a clearly ugly feeling.
The way I see it Brad Pitt did it best he got a bad ass bitch that no one could deny was hot. As much as he went about his infidelity the wrong way people were understanding cause at the end of the day people are shallow with egos.
Leave me fora bitch so bad I can’t help but be a fan. Let me be on the phone like “This asshole! I hate him but damn that bitch is bad”. That’s my point if you leave my ass it better be for Tits, Ass, Smile And a motha loving personality and then you Might get a bligh.

Faith and Love ,

Mamachel

P.s. follow me on twitter.com/@mamachell

Make Me Over? View from Venus

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFvLcCDvdEA&hl=en_GB&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6]

It’s something i’ve seen constantly in relationships whether it’s romantic or strictly platonic someone’s always trying to change the other person. Im not talking about parents naggin you to change this or that. They can get away with that, it’s their JOB. Im speaking about mainly in the relationship you know what I’m talking about that significant other who always seem to have some form of criticism. Now before men take this and run with it I see nothing wrong with offering advice to a partner about something that can make the relationship run more smoothly i.e return calls, inform if  your going to be late, or don’t talk down to me infront of my boys all with a nice PLEASE. What I have a problem with is someone trying to change WHO they knew you were before they started the relationship. Homey you knew she was a lush wasn’t she drunk when you got her number? Woman didn’t you meet him with braids, how all of a sudden you want him bald?
I see it as a deception. How might you ask? Well here I am all happy that I’ve found someone that loves me for all my quirks and faults only to find out over time that in fact you weren’t in love with who I am but with who you could make me. I have a major problem with is.I cannot count the times i’ve dated a guy only to be disappointed by the criticisms “so hmm chel you swear alot” to which I respond “fuck yeah, you didnt know me before?”   This is one of the fundamental problems in most relationships or inability to accept a aprtner for who they are.Many of us go into relationships with the intent to change. WHY?!!! I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a girl say ” He’s not my type but I can work with it” and everytime I ask myself “Wat shi really mean by work wid it, after is not a house she a buy and fix up?”. I shake my head because sooner or later someone’s going to get tired of either being nagged or not being able to change a person.
Here is my concern… If you dont like that fact that I drink ( some might say alot sic ), swear like a sailor, and speak my mind then we definately can’t be in a relationship. I’ve heard of men not wanting their girls to speak patios (patwah) in public o.0  I wish a nigga would try and tell me what dialect I could and could not use cause last time I checked my tongue was in MY mouth hmph.
At the endof the day i’ve spent many lonesome nights and days because I’m not trying to change anyone I love you for who you are BUT you aren’t always for me but we cool.. right?All i’m saying is the minute a man starts trying to make me over I’m gone. “Take me as I am, or have nothing at all” <- who sing dat again?

Faith and Love,

Mamachell

Kiss My BBM ….

Hey,

This will be short

I’m good at observing. If you’re trying to pick that wedgie with no one seeing chances are I’m that ‘itch (no pun intended) at the other end of the room laughing cause I caught you. So for all the men out there tryna “check” me please please please (insert James Brown voice) DO NOT think for one minute I don’t see you.

Case In Point:

How is it that you have time to BBM (blackberry messenger) me on the daily, asking for pictures and sending crazy emoticons/smileys but once I no longer have a blackberry you go missing? No No people, I mean really missing. Like I’m about to call Whoopi to be a medium cause clearly this nigga has gone Ghost. And to make matters worse you on my facebook, msn AND you have my number.
Please, Please, Please <— there go James Brown again, don't let me find out that you're one of these new generation cheap skates who have no clue how to even attempt to get in a some drawers. Ladies, you know what i’m talking about the ones who ONLY hit you up on Twitter, BBM, Facebook chat, MSN. Anything to avoid buying minutes or credit. No pupah jeezaz dem man give a new meaning to penny pincha!

And then I start thinking what’s going to happen when I get back another Blackberry and should I re-add him will he just pick up where we left off? Like should I just accept your pin request then start talking like you haven’t ignored me for the past month? Should I just ignore the fact that although you want pokey you find it hard to spend a $17.50 per a minute just to say hello? Suh wait what gonna happen when you finally get di goods? All lef fi mi expect is some messenger pigeon.

Here’s the verdict: In the end this young man does not deem the young lady worthy enough to put some minutes on him phone and make a call. And while the onus is not necessarily on the man to always call it is recommended especially seeing he was looking the naa naa in the first place. Anyways, if him cyan spend some money fi likkle credit fi call OR text a girl him “like” then re-add him yes and when him send you a :* (that’s kiss in BBM) just reply and say “Hey cheap ass KISS my BBM

Faith and Love,

Mamachel