I’m Falling Out of Love With Jamaican Men


Uh-Oh,

I recently put up this up on my facebook status…

As you can imagine, I basically opened a can of worms.

In some aspects it’s unfair to single this down to only Jamaican men , I’m sure each nationality has their own problem and some of what I am going to discuss can be applied universally. But I can only speak from my experience. As usual let me give you some background. In this dating scene Im notorious with my friends for Import/Export It seems I have almost always been in a long distance “relationship” of sorts. My friends will tell you it’s because I’m a commitment phobe and I deliberately put myself in those situations because I know they wont work. ( I plead the fifth)

What I will tell you is that recent events had me saying “ok, maybe they’re right. I’m going to give these local men a try” …. Oh lord. I have always been an advocate of “My Jamaican Guy” In some sort of hypocritical way I have always bigged them up even if I was dating them. After all the swagger is undeniable. So I enter this new but not so new realm of “dating” and I have to ask “What the hell have I been advocating?” In the words of Amy Winehouse “What Kind of Fuckery is this?”

There is absolutely zero appreciation. Who is training there motherfuckers? But let me first say it is not ALL Jamaican men. Dremaican you are exempt as probably one of the FEW Jamaican gentlemen I know exist. Okay back to my rant. Slowly but sure it came to my attention that it might be that Jamaican men have fallen out of love with me ( a Jamaican woman), that the men I wrote about in “Let’s hear if for my boys” might not exist anymore. I voiced my feelings to quite a broad spectrum of my male friends and they agreed that while I had a point NOT all Jamaican women were angels. They asked me “How can I be a man like my father, when no woman like my mother is out there?” This got me thinking. While I know i’m a good woman and have basically decided not to settle (reason number ONE I am single) have men lowered their standards because we have lowered ours? I’m not certain but I know that of all the nationalities that I have dated Jamaican men have treated met he worst. Yet still like a fool I keep coming back for my piece of unrequited love. Well I can honestly say that I am Jaded I no longer have any love to give and have taken the hint and im walking away farewell my Jamaican guy.

Faith & Love,

Mamachel

*waits to be crucified*

Author: Mamachel

Share This Post On

24 Comments

  1. Lmao at waits to be crucified.
    I wish this was a bit more in depth.
    I’ve never dated a Jamaican guy & this had me thinking; “what if”

    Nevertheless it’s better to sample from a buffet

    Post a Reply
  2. Don’t dash dem weh suh Chelan o gosh! Funny I’ve always preferred to date Jamaican men & I’ve been exposed to other cultures though I’ve not dated them. Simply have not been attracted. There’s just something about having that cultural connection that’s really important to me. That said, that connection is possible with a non-Jamaican but it’s rare.

    The comment about no women being like their mothers is interesting though…thing is I’m not looking for my Dad in a man but I AM looking for a man who is responsible, honest, loyal and just plain fun because I tend to be too serious…yes those are things I see in my Dad but only bits…is that dude looking for a replica of his mom? Because if that’s the case he’s out of luck.

    As for long distance relationships: my most serious relationships have been of that kind and they failed for one reason or another (and I don’t think I’m a commitment phobe)…swore off them because they take a tremendous amount of work and energy…yet recently find myself wavering. Why? Because you just never know where a potential partner may be…just have to remain open.

    Post a Reply
  3. Lord, where to begin. Well first, just like you, I can only speak from my experience and most of my experience has been with Jamaican women. I can’t begin to defend Jamaican men because at the end of the day, you’re right, to put it lightly, it’s ruff as a woman. Some of the stories I hear from women, I swear come straight out of the movies, because that stuff CANNOT happen in real life!

    But to be fair, the problem doesn’t just lay with men. Women out here aren’t much better. I won’t fill up your comment space explaining some of the hardships (and I call them hardships because lords know thats what the stories I’ve heard and experienced are!), Just as you think Jamaica is full of men who are lying, egotistical, selfish and afraid of a relationship. Jamaican men will tell you Jamaica is filled with women who are unjustly egotistical, materialistic, shallow, you get the picture…. Both sides have it rough. At the end of the day, be the best you can be, maintain a grounded ego and a level head and trust me, good man wi find yuh!

    Post a Reply
  4. Since we r dealing with the majority of our Jamaican male populace…i will wholeheartedly agree with your rant…I fully understand ur frustration with what i can only term as ur frustration with kissing all these damn frogs to find ur prince….I’m sure u have brothers/cousins.friends. perhaps even some distant uncle that gives u hope for our Jamrock Brothers…at this stage we cant change the socialization tht our men WERE exposed to (were in caps as it is in the past) and i am by no means saying we should settle…on the contrary…turn ur filter on high n sift thru these shady motherfuckers….n FYI Jamaican men are not the ones with the problem…MEN are the ones with the prob…si be careful not to jump out o the frying pan n into the fire….lol Good Luck Mamachel…Mr Right is not necessarily Jamaican…but he is out there w8 for him…

    Post a Reply
  5. Interesting and great post Chelan.

    Of all the guys I’ve dated, I’ve only been with ONE Jamaican man. And at the time I dated him, I was 17 and did not appreciate him. (He was 19 and an amazing guy AND one my parents loved). I went to Trinidad for school and broke up with him before I left because I KNEW that I would not have been faithful. I was about to break free of the parental units. LOL.
    Anyway, he is the type of man I’d date now if I had the opportunity to because he always had his head on his shoulders. Unfortunately, he became jaded by the Jamaican woman and is now married to a white woman from Cayman… and they have a son.
    *shrug*
    Life eh?

    Post a Reply
  6. All I can say is lol, this is the typical phrase. Hush, one day it will work out and its nothing to do with being Jamaican, sometimes women need to ask the right questions early and not play the virgin. Causes playing fool to catch wish doesn’t work in relationships nowadays.

    Post a Reply
    • SIr. I have some questions for you. How is the onus on the woman to ask the right questions, why not on both parties to just be honest?
      What are these “right” questions you speak of?
      And if she doesn’t ask them and they are left out then is it her fault now that she has been deceived?
      Quoted from a friend: “Jamaican men are notorious for answering the “right” question with what they think is the “right” answer be it truth or not. THEN assuming their “right” answers negates the need to ACT “right”. They can talk the talk, but work on the “mummy is a queen and every other woman is a whore and man fi have nuff gyal” premise. >> But please just answer my first few questions πŸ™‚

      Post a Reply
      • Lol, a year later. All I can say is if a woman wants some dick or she wants a ring just put her cards on the table. The question is different for everyone – probably you doan know what you want. Eitherway. Ask the bare face questions and if the dude wants to turn him tail and run then so be it. Both parties don’t have to be honest, as long as you as the woman getting what you want that is all that matters. Can’t blame a nigga for being a dishonest shark when you wanted tuna. Too often oman playing online multiplayer and chat feelings.

        Post a Reply
        • I have NO clue what you are trying to say in this comment. “Too often woman playing online multiplayer and chat feelings?” <- So confused

          Post a Reply
  7. i wonder sometimes how it is that i find myself knowing so many women who cant find a “decent” man … i wont use the term “good” cause this has to be relative. decent i think embodies just the basics of human goodness. mostly honest, mostly trust worthy, a man trying to be better and to do better. it seems to me that women look at what you kids call “swagger” and ignore the man who u always seem to enjoy their company. he may not be the 6’+ muscle filled, hot car driving, deep voice having dude that when u close your eyes at night pop into your head but he the man when those guys piss all over you is there with the rum and the handkerchief …. but hey, i am only 1 dark soul tired of looking for a Jamaican woman who will appreciate my efforts to be her good man

    Post a Reply
  8. bwoy Chelz, it’s a process still. All I can say is that if you try too hard, it will get frustrating. The moment I decided not to look for “The One” is when God Almighty revealed her to me through a thoughtful family member who is my age. That’s been my experience. Knowing what I want and focusing on communicating well with the potential person will give you answers quickly.

    Post a Reply
  9. Hush yah Mamachel, but the grass not gonna be greener no matter where you go unfortunately. Men and women are the SAME the world over.

    Sorry to see you giving up on us Jamaican men though! *hug*

    Post a Reply
    • Orin, daca vrei filmul(hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy) ti-l pot da eu. il dau lui 'victorie neinaripata'(care e sotia lui 'iesire la mare', amandoi sunt in blogrollul meu) care o sa-l paseze lui 'bagatorideseama', care o sa ti-l dea tie. ehe, ca asta se va intampla dupa primul meci al lui CSU…

      Post a Reply
  10. Owen’s comment: exhibit number one, of the FUCKERY mentality that plague our Jamaican men who don’t have a clue about being a real man…that which includes knowing how to treat a woman-Queen mothers of this earth, deserving of respect, truth and love.

    I said my piece on Facebook already but was compelled to comment on that foolish statement, lacking coherence, depth and heart.

    Guidance, Peace and Love (even to the lost ones)
    Mecca

    Post a Reply
  11. OK, Let me start off by saying that i agree with a lot of what was said.
    ThinkAkil made an excellent point, in that there are countless Jamaican Men say the same thing as mamachell about Jamaican Women. The thing is, both men and women have decide to settle. Both men and women perpetuate the same traits that they are running away from. I’ve had numerous conversations with women who even though they want a man to treat them right, that is not what they perpetuate. A lot of them take advantage of the men they meet who treat them right. Same for men, I know men who say they want a good girl but take advantage of the good girls that they meet. So as a result we all become battle hardened, Everyone’s defenses are up. Men pretend not to care too much about a woman because the last time they displayed vulnerability to a woman they got their heart ripped out. Women have their own defense mechanism which a lot of times conveys the wrong message to guys.

    All I’m saying is, men like the kind that you wrote about in β€œLet’s hear if for my boys” are still out there.

    Post a Reply
  12. A jamaican man I dated, worked three jobs, but traveled to my house in below zero temp, with no heat on because he said “it saved on gas”! Wow, for real? cars, in fact, do not use gas to blow the heat! And this has been the theme of the entire relationship. Instead of enjoying time together and taking it all in, he is constantly trying to feed his ego, by pointing out all that is wrong with the world and that he know how to fix things. The sad part is his information is wrong, 95% of the time. Got tired of going to the internet to prove his ignorance. Falling out of love with this jamaican was not hard, explaining it to him was!

    Post a Reply
  13. I was gonna do a nice long reply, but its pointless, ill choose the easy route: #cosign @Josip Dark

    Post a Reply
  14. KaMecca……. You speak the Truth about Jamaican men. A man’s most precious asset is a woman, but somehow that has been lost.

    Post a Reply
  15. I have been dating a jamican man for just about a year now. I would do anything for him. I am starting to find that the more you give and do for them the further away they will run. They are powerhouse people with very large egos. He is a 30 year old man that cts like he is 20 and just starting to date. He is very set in his ways he won’t give oral sex, he won’t except my invitation to have him come live with me to save money by not paying rent for a place he doesn’t stay. He often gets upset with himself and then take it out on my by ignoring me for days and storming off like a child. When I ask him to talk and what is wrong, he tells me he don’t have to explain nuttin to me. I’m to the point that I want him outta my life but I dont know how to let go of him because when things are good they are great, but when he doesn’t get his own way he walks away like a child and choses to ignore the situation. I work and make very good money all i do is work and sleep and spend time with him and my kids. he comes home afer spedning time wiht a friend and tells me that he don’t trust something about me. understand me when i tell you I work, sleep and spend time with him and the kids. I have no life that don’t revolved around my personal life. I don’t want him to change who he is but I would like for him to get over his insecurities. doeas anyone have any suggestions that can help me to either understand him becasue i am a very beautiful woman and can get anyone that I want but really I don’t know if I want to.

    Post a Reply
    • Well, I just saw this on Mamachel’s Twitter and my girl, I feel it for you. I don’t want to tell you to leave your man – nobody REALLY wants to tell someone that – but at the same time, there’s nothing that you can do to ‘make’ him get over his insecurities. If you’re walking the straight and narrow and it’s obvious to him and everyone else around you, then he has his own demons to deal with. As for the ‘don’t have to explain nuttin to me’ – not communicating in ANY relationship can be the beginning of the end. No relationship (professional or personal) can function for a prolonged period of time in a healthy fashion if there are communication flaws to that extent. I suggest you do some serious soul searching and decide whether or not the head/heartache you’re going to go through is worth it. Only you can truly know… Hope this helps – and I really wish you luck – keep your head up.

      Post a Reply
  16. I have dated belizean, ghanaian, american, jamaican, trinidadian, and haitian men. Can’t say I have had a problem with any particular culture. My “man prolems” were cross-cultural.

    Post a Reply
  17. Well NickMack may not want to say it but I will: leave that man alone. Lef’ him!

    Go off, spend some time with yourself and with your children and understand that you are worth more than that Jamaican man recognizes…and that I’m afraid you recognize.

    Yes, I understand full well that I only have your side of the story and there are, in fact, 3 sides to every story but the frustration and near heartbreak in your comment is touching. NickMack is also right that communication is important; it’s necessary for any relationship. I’d like to say try talking to him again to express your concerns and hopes for him and for the relationship but it seems like it’ll be a fruitless conversation…I dunno, try? But be prepared to walk away because that may be the best and only option for you. Only he can decide to get over and then actually work to get over his insecurities. First he must recognize them, and it doesn’t sound like he has. No amount of you hoping and dreaming for him to do will help, and if you don’t see signs of change from him then, together with what else you’ve said, it seems best to end the relationship.

    Post a Reply
  18. I’m in luv with my Jamaican man, he is so amazing in so many ways.. Abit old fashioned sometimes when it comes to certain things but honestly he is a wonderful man, I never saw myself dating outside my culture but I’m truly glad I did because although we cannot share a cultural experience we do share a deep spiritual connection…. Don’t get me wrong sometimes his reasoning can drive me up the wall and back I mean to me it seems silly… But I try to understand that that’s his upbringing and I can’t mess with that… I think what I love about him the most is how he always goes the xtra mile for me and doesn’t make me feel bad… I love how he can manage to hold his temper when I get feisty and he will force me to talk about it even if I’m really pissed off… He is strong and sexy and loves me for me…

    Post a Reply
  19. I have dated A Jamaican Man.at first he same to be a good guy. After i discover he was just using me to get social status,money and a free place to stay I loved him and still love him after i break off with him and cut contact, months later he started calling me and showing some respect for me ,he lives in my country he does not have family nor friends here, Im the only person he can count on,so im confuse about him.

    Post a Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *