So I’ve left you hanging for quite awhile. I have been posting but mostly generic stuff none of the original blog posts that I know you all fell in love with. My apologies, it was part wanting to keep things a little private around here and also things have become somewhat hectic in these streets. However, I know you are not here for the excuses so let me get my Carrie Bradshaw on.
One thing that has always been constant throughout my relationship Blog Posts, Vlogs and Conversations with friends is my struggle with determining 1. Do I expect too much 2. Am I too rigid 3. Unrealistic 4. Too quick to cut the cord? Of course, the feedback I receive is always mixed. Some friends say no you don’t expect too much but those kind of men aren’t around anymore. No you aren’t too rigid BUT . Maybe you cut the cord fast at times, BUT. There is ALWAYS a but. I turned to my father and he said “Yes, you can be unwavering but that’s just who you are eventually you will find someone who will realize you have high expectations but you are a pudding and so worth it”. Spoken like a true father. I love him but really as I get older should I Compromise to Settle?
I know this seems crazy but the more I stick to my guns the more it doesn’t work out. I ask my male friends who are in relationships. Am I asking for too much and they say no. Before you go on rolling your eyes let me give the basics of what I ask for in a relationship:
1. Mutual Respect: This goes far beyond not telling me about my mother. This is you taking into consideration HOW this would make me feel. In certain situations I have to think “How would my partner interpret this?”. All I require is that you do the same because trust me, I am not an easy person to explain bullshit to. Bullshit? yeah like this girl that keeps messaging you are 4:00 a.m… Insomniac or nah?
2. Consistency: If you started out calling me in the evenings please believe I expect this to remain as is. I am not saying there won’t be times that we are both busy and unable to maintain. However, don’t get comfortable and let days of zero communication become norm.
3. Communicate: I hate to argue. I hate to nag. But I will let you know what I am feeling and try to talk it out. How you react, directly affects the vernacular that I choose to use. I would like you as the man to also communicate, I hear men say women think they read minds.I have recently met my fair share of men you think we do too.
4. I Will Go: I have NEVER loved anyone more than I love me. This rule should guide all actions, because the minute it becomes less than I deserve or more than I bargained for I am out. Is it selfish, I don’t think so. Self preservation is the first law of nature. Bonnie was a narcissist and Clyde was punny whipped. I am not trying to emulate that couple. I mean they died <- I am not aiming to die for ANYBODY. I digress...
5. Do NOT Insult My Intelligence: Nigga, Nigguh, Knee GAH - Just do not do it. I seldom ask questions I do not know the answer to (learned this from my dad) anyways refer to number 1 & 4
6. If a man wants to see a woman NOTHING can stop him <- Wise words from my father. I am far from clingy but in this world of "Sleep when you die", "Hustle for the dream", " No rest yada yada bullshit", "You don't want a broke man you have to put up with a busy man" <- Busy and PRODUCTIVE so NOT the same thing. It's almost a sin to ask someone to take time out to just chill with you. Everyone wants be or look to be as busy as Jesus ... Miss me with that like how Judas missed his lesson on Loyalty. You found the time in the beginning start a scavenger hunt and find the time again.
I think these are simple simple rules that can be applied to both male and female. Please note that in all of them I state that I give what I am looking to receive. It is the sheer simplicity of these rules and expectations that leave me baffled as to WHAT I am to let go. Should I not expect communication? Should I play the fool all the time? While I'm at it maybe I should let mutual respect out the window? I am just unable to pin point which one of these is not important.
I have friends who have sacrificed more than one on this list to get or remain in a relationship and while I do not judge them, I wish better for them and I do think "NOT A BAXIDE, THAT IS NOT MY STYLE". So as I re read and make sure I didn't ramble too much I find affirmation in my words. I might play the fool for a minute but never too long. As I list it out I realize I am very much unwilling to compromise to settle. What I am willing to do is be lonely for awhile until I can get it right.
I'm going to bookmark this post when the loneliness and horniness start kill me. (LOL) I really hope my father doesn't read this. *facepalm*
* I'm like the Mary J.Blige of blogging. My best posts are when I'm hurt *throws computer*
Faith & Love,
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