Accepting Responsibility – Deliberately Losing Love?
< insert usual apologies for not writing so long> I had originally planned to write a post titled “I’m Ready” where I would talk about how I am ready for love. However, as I sit here listening to my new playlist I decided to switch it up and talk about my taking responsibility for not yet finding love
Let me start off by saying if you’re expecting a self deprecating post on all that is wrong with me you can close this very window and continue enjoying the playlist. Sure, we are all with our faults and I have indicated that throughout all my posts. No one is perfect. Nevertheless, I want to focus on the one question that irks me more than a werewolf’s toenails and that’s ” So why are you single?”. I have been asked this on dates, by family and even by well meaning friends. If I’m being honest it takes the power of grey skull not to respond ” If I knew that answer I wouldn’t be now would I”. The truth is I had no clue.
Well, my epiphany came quite randomly as they often do. Someone asked in my tumblr ask box ” What would you like right now?” I responded in my usual smart ass way – ” to eat without getting fat, world peace and love… I think I’m ready for love”
Just like that it hit me. All these no good, ain’t shit gentlemen (oxymorons abound) were drawn to me because I myself was NOT ready. Therefore, in essence I was deliberately losing love. Choosing the ones that I knew KNEW deep down in my very core to my bone marrow would not pan out in the very end. I sabotaged myself. I was having a conversation with Bonnie recently and she said ” look at the boyfriends we have had, how we have treated them and how we ALLOWED then to treat us”. Right then, right there it hit me that I had to accept responsibility for my role in all these “failed relationships”. As a result of not being honest with myself I prevented men who wished me well from entering my life. There was no huge philosophic meaning it was simply, When it came to love I was my own worst enemy.
Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t that the men weren’t assholes (if you’re reading this that’s your assigned adjective- Asshole) it was just that I wasn’t ready for the good guy. The one who would consider and try and meet my needs. I wrote about it, I lamented on the lack of good guys but in the end. I knew and so first off ladies and gentlemen before you go into any form of relationship be honest with YOURSELF first. I recently was and what I know wholeheartedly is IM READY
P.S. Thanks for Reading guys! Love unu like cook food