Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner: The Hoe Truth
This is an anonymous (shhh) “He Said” guest post in response to the previous “She Said” guest post. Therefore, this is from a man’s perspective. I wouldn’t dare say ‘typical’ man, because I don’t often see myself or my views as typical. However, I’m sure a lot of fellas will agree and perhaps even the odd female here and there. I’m going to use the word “hoe” quite often because, well, that is the topic of discussion. Should anyone be offended by the word, I should tell you that having read that preceding sentence and by continuing to read this, you have accepted the “hoe this, hoe that” terms and conditions.
As you might imagine, I can’t accurately comment on the different goings on in the Basketball Wives show. I don’t watch it, and I won’t. However, the characters referenced by the “She Said” guest blogger seem, from her description, to be women who sleep with men for personal gain. If I am wrong then let me know. That guest blogger seems confused about how these women on the show and other women like them are labeled ‘hoes.’ Well I’m here to help with that.
She says hoes make men mad and that it is misogynist that Cipher Sounds and Charlemagne call women hoes. (Her exact words are: Specifically what makes a chick a hoe & what it is about hoes that make men so mad.) I don’t know where she got the information that hoes make men mad. I can’t imagine men having issues and problems with a woman being promiscuous. As a matter of fact I guarantee you that a lot of men are out right now looking specifically for a hoe…for…you know…fun. Yes, men find hoes to be wonderful, joyous fun. How can we hate them? I always think it’s important when you go off on rants like those to not get it twisted and to get things straight before blast off. Understand that misogyny does of course exist, but a man calling a woman a hoe for what he sees as hoe-like behavior is not misogynist. So let’s define this hoe-like behavior.
Let’s start with the definition of the word ‘hoe’ as I understand it. It is derived from the word ‘whore’ which means prostitute, someone who is considered to have compromised principles or engaged in sexual activities for personal gain, or a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual activity. The key word is promiscuous, which means having frequent and casual sexual relations with different partners. So there is a pretty clear and straight forward definition to work with. Let’s also be clear that this definition does not only apply to women. So those of you reading this right now, both men and women, know immediately where you fall. I’ll come back to ya’ll in a few.
So men don’t hate hoes, in fact it’s more likely that women would hate them than men. Men know that if it’s two things that are constant in this world, it’s change, and hoes will be hoes. What a man will likely tell you though, is that they hate the element of deception caused by a woman who is a hoe, but pretends to be otherwise. Most men don’t respect hoes, and here’s why. Nobody knows the power a woman holds more than a man. It is said that the two main primal urges of any man is to eat and to have sex. Much of what a man does in this world, boils down to his need to satisfy those two main desires. Dem two tings we nuh play round wid…a normal healthy male loves his belly and no one understands the value of the vagina quite like a man does. It also follows that men know the standard for that which is considered precious and valuable, and it is that which is rarely acquired and often unattainable.
It’s a bit ironic that a woman would echo the sentiments of a dancehall artist and refer to her lady parts as similar to a high end automobile (something of high value), yet allow every Tom, Dick and Harry to drive it. Diamonds wouldn’t be a big deal if you could just pick them up off the sidewalk. So then, if you are a woman, and you have no reservations about sleeping with many, many men…if you can go to a party and half a dozen dudes can high 5 each other and say “Yea I hit that”…If that Evelyn and Royce you mention, are your role models….well you know what to expect now don’t you. It doesn’t matter if you’re a “grown ass woman” and can do whatever you feel like. Your use of that freedom is what will land you in the hoe category.
I honestly don’t see the point of complaining about double standards. You’re a woman for a reason. There are certain things that apply to you and do not apply to men by virtue of the fact that, well, you are a female and a man is male. The conventions exist for reasons that none of us know, and it’s pointless to blame men for them when we born come see it just like unuh. The same way a man is expected to hold the door open, is the same way a woman is expected to keep her legs closed. The difference lies in the fact that women have throughout history been regarded as the standard bearers in most societies. Therefore, it’s easy for me to understand that should a woman fall short of certain expectations, it is frowned upon. Men are not viewed in the same light and will likely never be. Women have found many ways to get under a man’s skin over the years, but calling us hoes won’t likely do the trick.
I was reading someone’s blog recently and she wrote about the fact that the term ‘Vixen’ was once one of the worst things you could call a woman. However, as times have changed so too has the stigma attached to the word changed. Now women want to be vixens because its ‘empowering.’ So look, like I mentioned before, you know where you fall and what you are. If you are indeed a hoe, then be a hoe. Embrace it, own it up and ‘do you’ because by going against what is expected of you, you have already taken a stand. Don’t continue to pretend when you already know what you will continue to do whether it’s to acquire something or just for your own pleasure. Don’t blame men either ‘cuz guys are all for the fun. *wink*. Besides, I’ve found that it is women who are most judgmental of other women in whatever they choose to do anyway. The same women who will say “Damn those double standards! You’re grown, do what you want!” are likely the same women who will be saying “Ugh, she’s such a hoe”.
I’d like to end with this song that’s been stuck in my head all day. R.I.P. Nate Dogg — > Click Here