Editor’s Note: Hey Guys! Love that my guest male writer is keeping the posts frequent and controversial. So I recently did a Vblog on Open relationships–> Click Here Well Mr. Urchin decided to dig a little deeper. Check his views after the jump
Ok,so here it is,at long last,the blog post I’ve been researching and interviewing people about for a month now. I know some of you thought I was procrastinating on writing this and some of you thought I wouldn’t do it at all (ahem…*mamachel*).
The Male perspective on “Open” relationships…or more specifically “can women handle them?” I just left California where I spent a lot of time grilling a friend of mine who’s been openly “poly amorous” for almost a decade. For those of you who aren’t as open minded or well-read as them California-folk are, that means he “engages in consensual, ethical open intimate relationships with multiple partners”
Now I know what your thinking…“That describes every Jamaican man” but no, this is different….wanna know why? One simple crazy notion called Honesty. Recurring theme in my blogs, you will notice.
So here’s the basic tenet: you meet someone you’re interested in and at the beginning of the first date, if not before, you TELL HER that you’re philosophy is that a person can love more than one person and that this is your lifestyle choice. My friend tells me that this is the point many potential love doors are slammed shut…“Many women express their unwillingness to proceed romantically at this point but *Every* woman without fail has thanked me for being honest and usually we finish our date normally and pleasantly” – quite a bit different from the normal plate throwing drama when a woman DISCOVERS during a relationship that you’ve been doing the same thing eh?
Now if the woman agrees to proceed…check this…this is where it gets complicated and more difficult : you remain honest throughout the relationship. When you want to add someone new to the dynamic you inform her first…and in an ideal world introduce them to each other and hope to God they get along…seen “Savages”? No?….go rent it or bit torrent it…ill wait…. ok? understand better now?
So there you in happily and honestly dating 2 or 3 women (that’s the usual accepted #) that even get along with each other, maybe even living together and splitting bills…happily ever after right?
Well, sometimes…about as often as monogamous relationships the statistics say.
Interestingly, My friend points out that its usually the MAN who develops issues with this situation when the woman starts to seek an additional male partner. For straight men who aren’t quite compersive* enough to the idea of their girlfriends being with other men – the Utopian situation is that he’s dating a bi-sexual or predominantly gay woman who loves him and seeks out only other female lovers.
I mean which guy wouldn’t say “oh you want to bring that 23 year old Zumba instructor into our circle of love? Sure honey”
Penises are strange things, almost like a 2nd personality really…whereas it seems women are more likely to be alright with sharing a man with two or more women…when another Phallus enters the room we get as nervous and edgy as Charlie Sheen in rehab.
The truth is that being in an “open” or Poly relationship is more about being honest with one’s self about one’s emotional capacity, how many people can you be completely present for in a romantic relationship while still having time for yourself?
Conventional wisdom says one, most Poly people say two to three. Others may say eight or an even dozen…whatever… but whether male or female we may not be being as honest about our true capacity to be present with each person, or may simply not be engaging in very deep relationships at all. lets face it – most of us are barely complete enough to engage deeply with One lover…don’t flatter yourself.
*’Compersion’ being a poly community created word for something that didn’t exist in the English language before- its the opposite of jealousy. Like being happy knowing your partner is getting good grind somewhere else, much like one would be happy for a good friend.” <- Sounds like uptown Kingston (Yes this is Mamachel)
- The End,
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