Editor’s Note: It is always great when my readers challenge me. For one it shows that they are actually reading my posts (yaay) and I just love seeing the other side of an argument. My girl and fellow blogger Chineyphat (her twitter Here and Website Here) gave me her views on romance. Take it in below:
It’s a difficult concept to define, this little thing called romance. Opening doors, pulling out chairs… I classify those acts as chivalry, and more of a courtesy than a romantic gesture.
After reading Mamachel’s post Wanted: Romance (Dead or Alive), along with the accompanying comments, I was compelled to give my two cents on the subject. You see, I am an expert in the field of romance. To many people I’m perceived as a pessimist, a cynic, a bitch, a hater…
But the reality is that I’m a lover, and I’ve been lucky to come across men, who are lovers as well, and who have wooed me with creative romantic gestures. Of course, I too have taken my turn with gestures of my own, because romance is not a one-sided business. It’s a willingness to perform without thinking, an act that you know will tug at the heartstrings of your loved one, draw smiles that hurt their cheeks, and leave them thinking how lucky they are to have come across someone so amazing, who sees them as the most beautiful (or the most handsome as it may be), most worthy and the most special person in the world.
It’s ‘paying attention’ so that you know your partners likes and dislikes; it’s getting to know your partner – not only on the outside, but on the inside as well; it’s setting the mood…
It’s cereal and grilled cheese in bed because you really don’t know how to cook; a hand-written letter sent via snail mail and received when you least expect it; a voice note or voice mail of a silly song with a hidden message or secret joke between the two of you; a care-package filled with all sorts of cheap candy, snacks and whatever other junk you know you really shouldn’t eat; it’s writing your names in the sand; it’s picking and giving to her, a blossom that matches the top she wore yesterday; it’s taking the risk to get someone a Care Bear because of their ‘definition of love’, even though you know they hate stuffed toys… it’s doing the three-step in the backyard to a playlist of songs he compiled just for you on his cellphone.
The unexpected hand-holding, or finger in pocket; the unconscious playful touch to your ear, or smack on the ass – romance is putting in that extra effort, simply ‘because’.
Yup, I can already see those eyes rolling at me. Please forgive me if I have faith in men (and women too!). I suppose it’s because I’ve come across so many ‘good’ ones who really DO know what it is to love someone and show them that they care and appreciate them. Yes, I know men whose mamas raised them right, and ‘real’ women who know how to treat a man.
Of course there have been losers in my life – abusive, ungrateful wretches who “doan know what they got til it’s gone” – but why dwell on the bad as if there ain’t neva was no good! And the way I’ve felt when it was good, far outweighs the bad times which are merely slivers of memories which I no longer have recollection of.
Romance is not dead. Perhaps it’s merely sleeping in some of us, and needs only a gently nudge and an ounce of unselfishness to simply make its way to the surface.
Men, get your ADD under control. And for God’s sake try to THINK before you act.
And ladies, nitpicking gets you nowhere. Neither does a negative attitude.
LET a man do nice things for you! It makes them feel good (and useful). This goes for you men too!
If we try to see the ‘effort’ in small gestures, rather than expecting something grand, I think we’d be surprised to learn how many of us have a modern-day Cyrano, Romeo, or Casanova right in front of us.
Love & Romance,
ChineyPhat
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LOVE! Love love love love love!
Love this. Romance is not dead, Mamachel
Totally agreed Chineyphat sometimes it knocks you down and doesn’t work out but romance is not dead I have experienced it a few times and I am sure I will experience it again. It’s fantastic…. when you can’t stop smiling
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this was soo refreshing! thank you!!
this is awesome! wonderfully written Chineyphat! Nice
Love and all it beauty is wonderful
This was a refreshing read. There are many men out there who suffocate their romantic side for various reasons, some of them related to the fact that it seems to have no impact on some women or that they are actually scared of being considered “soft”. Its nice to know that there are still quite a bit of women who enjoy romanticism and see it as a requirement in their relationships (or male/female interactions). What is also interesting is the mention of ‘nitpicking’, oh how destructive that can be. As a man I can say its easier to purchase some expensive gift then to take the extra time to find something unique or to do something more thoughtful and personal which some women may mistake for being cheap. So ladies try and think before you jump to nitpick as it can help to destroy future thoughtfulness. Chineyphat, you a gwan.